An Open Letter to Dodos

Dear dodo birds,

I'm writing to you on behalf of the human race. I understand that, until the late 1500s, your species was living a quiet, comfortable life on the island of Mauritius. And then some of our species showed up – a sure sign that something bad was about to happen.

When we arrived, you were unafraid of us. That was a major mistake, if you ask me. We're not all terrible, but most of us are just ignorant enough to make us one of the most dangerous animals on the planet. If you had access to cable television back in your day, you'd have figured it out yourself within 20 minutes.

Nonetheless, you welcomed us with apathy. In return, we led you to extinction in less than 100 years. How did that happen so quickly? By most reports, you didn't even taste that good, so we clearly weren't hunting you for your deliciousness. Then again, we'll generally eat anything when we have to and, in our defense, you didn't make it that hard for us to catch you. Sure, your wings were useless, but other flightless birds have developed effective survival tactics. For instance, penguins avoid humans by living where temperatures above zero constitute a heat wave, and emus can protect themselves by delivering a sharp kick to the groin – unsportsmanlike, but very effective.

Still, only so many of us ventured to Mauritius at the time and we couldn't have been hungry enough to eat every one of you. Of course, we did bring many other animals along with us, such as pigs and dogs, whose tastes are a little less discerning. And these animals would never have found you if it weren't for us, so I guess it is ultimately our fault after all. What a bunch of dodos. (No offense.)

Anyway, I have some exciting news for you. Scientists want to bring you back! For years, scientists have talked about using DNA to revive long-extinct animals, and recent discussions at a conference in Washington D.C. have rekindled this interest. You're on the shirt list of desired animals to resurrect, along with the woolly mammoth and the saber-toothed tiger. What could possibly go wrong?

As with any scientific endeavor, this raises a lot of questions – the most pressing one being: why would we do this? Some proponents feel that it would further our scientific knowledge on animals and genetics. Others view this as an opportunity to see a part of history that has otherwise been lost... in other words, the “how cool would this be?” rationale. Then there are those who might see this as a chance for redemption. After all, if we were the ones responsible for your disappearance in the first place, don't we have an obligation to bring you back – even if we'll probably just kill you off again?

That leads to the next big question: what would we do with the animals we bring back? Do we try to raise them in protected habitats so that we can study them? Or do we reintroduce them to the wild, thus further disturbing the natural order of things and bringing about the next major ecological disaster? For you, as long as the reason doesn't include the words “grilled” or “hollandaise sauce,” this should be exciting!

Unfortunately, there are other animals in line ahead of you. A group called the Long Now Foundation is currently preparing for its Revive & Restore project, and its first goal is to bring back the passenger pigeon. After all, we can hardly walk through any major city without thinking, why aren't there more pigeons?

However, if all goes well, I'm sure we'll get to you soon. Then, we can all get together for a nice dinner and have a good laugh about this whole thing. Perhaps we'll be able to put this all behind us. Until then, thank you for understanding. We have some of our best scientists on the case. And if all goes well, we'll have you back just in time to see the next season of Survivor. (What? Too soon?)

Lists of Wonder

People are obsessed with lists. Books, magazines and newspapers are frequently compiling lists of the 100 Greatest Novels of All Time, the 25 Most Important Inventions, or the Top 10 Plants of the Eastern United States. And with every list published, there are people outraged by the results. “Why isn't Atlas Shrugged on the list?”; “How could you not include toilet paper?” “I can't believe you left off Rhododendrons!”

Making lists is certainly not a modern phenomenon. One of the oldest known lists is still among the most popular – the Seven Wonders of the World. Developed over the years by Ancient Greeks, the original list consists of impressive feats of engineering that were considered marvels to behold. Of course, people back then were limited in their travels because they lacked such luxuries as trains, planes, and rolling luggage. Thus, the list didn't include such awe-inspiring monuments as the Great Wall of China and Stonehenge. In that respect, calling the list the “Seven Wonders of the World” is as presumptuous as calling our baseball finals the “World Series.”

But now that travel is so much more widespread, even this venerable list is fodder for critics and people who think they know better. In addition to the usual complaints about what should have made the list, modern list-makers quibble over minor details, such as the fact that six of the Wonders have been destroyed and can no longer be viewed (the Great Pyramid at Giza being the one exception). And to really nitpick, some people complain about the Hanging Gardens of Babylon merely on the grounds that they may not have actually existed. People can be so fussy.

What's often overlooked is how truly impressive it is that these monuments were created without all of the technological advances we have today. What's even more amazing is that, even with all of these technological advances, we're probably less capable now of creating something as wondrous and enduring as the pyramids.

Still, several groups have taken up the task of compiling new and supposedly improved lists. The most notable one, The New 7 Wonders of the World, was announced in 2007 by the New7Wonders Foundation. This list was compiled by the most reputable authority available: the general public. In the same method used for such historic undertakings as voting for American Idol contestants, people around the world called in or voted on the Internet. In essence, instead of an historic list compiled by well-traveled authorities, we get a list selected by random individuals who wanted something to do between searching for naked celebrity pictures and watching videos of kittens on YouTube.

To be fair, the new list does feature some amazing selections, including the Colosseum and Machu Picchu. However, it's still open to debate. For instance, why did the opulent Taj Mahal make the cut and not the mysterious giant statues on Easter Island?

Nonetheless, after that list was completed, the New7Wonders Foundation ran another extensive election in 2011 to choose the New 7 Wonders of Nature – a similarly debatable list that led to some controversy over the election process. Allegedly, as a way of promoting their nominated wonders, some countries were asked to shell out millions of dollars in marketing fees. Ah, money – the root of all evil and the only way to get people to hear about the natural beauty of the Amazon River.

Yet despite these setbacks, the foundation is currently running a new campaign to select the New 7 Wonders Cities – a title that's almost as awkward as the endeavor itself. People around the world can now vote for the seven most wondrous cities, selecting from a stunning list of candidates. How does one choose between the historic, picturesque city of Vienna and the neon-lit nightclub haven of Miami? In its defense, Vienna is home to some really great schnitzel.

Voting is currently being held and results will be unveiled in 2014. And when the list is revealed, the whole world will have something to talk about – specifically, how could so many people be so wrong?