Dear dodo birds,
I'm writing to you on behalf of the
human race. I understand that, until the late 1500s, your species was
living a quiet, comfortable life on the island of Mauritius. And then
some of our species showed up – a sure sign that something bad was
about to happen.
When we arrived, you were unafraid of
us. That was a major mistake, if you ask me. We're not all terrible, but
most of us are just ignorant enough to make us one of the most
dangerous animals on the planet. If you had access to cable
television back in your day, you'd have figured it out yourself
within 20 minutes.
Nonetheless, you welcomed us with
apathy. In return, we led you to extinction in less than 100 years.
How did that happen so quickly? By most reports, you didn't even
taste that good, so we clearly weren't hunting you for your
deliciousness. Then again, we'll generally eat anything when we have
to and, in our defense, you didn't make it that hard for us to catch
you. Sure, your wings were useless, but other flightless birds have
developed effective survival tactics. For instance, penguins avoid
humans by living where temperatures above zero constitute a heat
wave, and emus can protect themselves by delivering a sharp kick to
the groin – unsportsmanlike, but very effective.
Still, only so many of us
ventured to Mauritius at the time and we couldn't have been hungry enough to eat every one
of you. Of course, we did bring many other animals along with us,
such as pigs and dogs, whose tastes are a little less discerning. And
these animals would never have found you if it weren't for us, so I
guess it is ultimately our fault after all. What a bunch of dodos.
(No offense.)
Anyway, I have some exciting news for
you. Scientists want to bring you back! For years, scientists have
talked about using DNA to revive long-extinct animals, and recent
discussions at a conference in Washington D.C. have rekindled this
interest. You're on the shirt list of desired animals to resurrect,
along with the woolly mammoth and the saber-toothed tiger. What could
possibly go wrong?
As with any scientific endeavor, this
raises a lot of questions – the most pressing one being: why would
we do this? Some proponents feel that it would further our scientific
knowledge on animals and genetics. Others view this as an opportunity
to see a part of history that has otherwise been lost... in other
words, the “how cool would this be?” rationale. Then there are
those who might see this as a chance for redemption. After all, if we
were the ones responsible for your disappearance in the first place,
don't we have an obligation to bring you back – even if we'll
probably just kill you off again?
That leads to the next big question:
what would we do with the animals we bring back? Do we try to raise
them in protected habitats so that we can study them? Or do we
reintroduce them to the wild, thus further disturbing the natural
order of things and bringing about the next major ecological
disaster? For you, as long as the reason doesn't include the words
“grilled” or “hollandaise sauce,” this should be exciting!
Unfortunately, there are other animals
in line ahead of you. A group called the Long Now Foundation is
currently preparing for its Revive & Restore project, and its
first goal is to bring back the passenger pigeon. After all, we can
hardly walk through any major city without thinking, why aren't there
more pigeons?
However, if all goes well, I'm sure
we'll get to you soon. Then, we can all get together for a nice
dinner and have a good laugh about this whole thing. Perhaps we'll be
able to put this all behind us. Until then, thank you for
understanding. We have some of our best scientists on the case. And
if all goes well, we'll have you back just in time to see the next
season of Survivor. (What? Too soon?)
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