For years, American consumers have been manipulated by a powerful cartel accused of restricting supply despite ever-growing demand and an ability to provide more than it's giving out. Through devious practices, this sinister cabal has been using intricate schemes to drive up prices and create bigger and bigger profits.
However, some people have finally had enough and are no longer standing by quietly. One group has thrown down the gauntlet and is ready to bring down this corrupt organization and its control over the nation's potatoes.
Yes, according to Associated Wholesale Grocers, the United Potato Growers of America (UPGA) has been running an elaborate price-fixing scheme that involves reducing the amount of land used for potatoes and destroying excess crops. The grocers are trying to paint a picture of the UPGA as the devil, which is only made easier by farmers' insistence on using pitchforks.
So how does the UPGA maintain restrictions on crop size? Interestingly, it's pretty easy for potato farmers to keep tabs on one another. After all, they do have a lot of eyes in the fields. Get it?! Potatoes? Eyes? That’s comedy gold, folks.
Actually, according to the impending lawsuit, the UPGA monitors land usage through remarkably cunning tactics involving flyovers, GPS systems and satellite imaging. These folks are just one white cat away from being a James Bond villain.
This all may seem a bit excessive for potatoes, but it has quite an extensive effect. After all, these potatoes are not just sold fresh. They're also provided to companies for making French fries and tater tots. The potential aftermath is mind-boggling. People will be hoarding knishes like they're bars of gold and using pierogies to pay off their home loans.
Perhaps that's a little far-fetched. Still, never underestimate how high circumstances can push the value of anything, let alone a potato. One type of potato called La Bonnote has been known to sell for about $45 a pound, sometimes up to $300 a pound. The high price is because it's rare, grown only on the French Isle of Noirmoutier and only harvested for one week each year. Yet people will pay that price because of the potato's distinctive flavor, which is partially derived from the algae and seaweed in the soil. Some people also have too much money.
Of course, U.S. farmers are probably not expecting such a high payload for their basic, algae-free russets. They're just trying to make sure that supply isn't so overabundant that the potato becomes worthless. Still, the idea of destroying crops and limiting production does seem a bit hard to accept knowing that it's still food. I have to imagine there are many other countries in the world that would love to have the "problem" of growing too much food.
For now, it's up to the grocers to bring down Big Potato. If they're successful, we may soon see an end to this era of overpriced potatoes. Then we'll just have to worry about paying too much for milk, bread, meat, gas, cable, cell phones...
Destroying crops was actually common during -- of all things -- the Great Depression. Farmers were paid to allow crops to rot instead of being harvested in order to control quantity. The most eggregious of these practices actually involved pig farmers, who were paid to slaughter piglets to keep the price of pork at a set rate despite the fact that people were starving. I started researching this when I worked at Kaplan for a novel I was mapping out that was set in the Great Depression. The Agriculture Adjustment Act was passed within the first 100 days of the creation of the National Recovery Administration. It paid farmers not to plant and to kill their pigs. In 1935 the NRA was declared unconstitutional and the AAA unconstitutional the next year. (US v Butler et al)
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